Everyday in my clinic I find people who’s perception of themselves or of life defining moments in their lives is blurred by time and old emotion.

What am I talking about?

Let me tell you a story.

Once I new a young boy who tried his hardest at school. He thought about every question the teacher asked, he really wanted to give a good answer, he thought she was the most beautiful, smart women in the world. By the time he had come up with the best answer in his head, his teacher had already moved on to the next topic.

The more he was left behind the harder he tried, the more he fell behind.

After the first school term of the year his parents where called to the school to discuss his development.

He was very nervous, as he and his mother sat across the table from his beloved teacher, he felt sick and tears welled up behind his eyes.

“Toby is a lovely boy Mrs McDonald, I am worried at his lack of participation in class though.  Does he talk much at home?”
“Well yes,he is always talking, especially about you.” His mother laughed.

“Toby finds it hard to keep up in class and is quite slow to learn what we believe to be average for his age group.”

What!  She hates me!  She thinks I am dumb!  I try soo hard and she thinks I am stupid.! 

Shut down…..

Toby spent until his early thirties shut down… He barely got by and changed jobs so many times he couldn’t tell me how many he had had. 

When he met women he liked, if he did get past friendship with them, he sabotaged any true chance of a long term relationship. 

Thankfully he finally meet a lovely young women who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Who looked at him and new his abilities far surpassed his achievements. 

She talked to him, made him feel safe.  She pushed his buttons and didn’t recoil when he acted out of fear.

What did she find out that no one, not even Toby had understood before.

She found out that due to a 11 year old boys perception of failure and rejection, a 32 year man had played out a life of failure and rejection. Living up to his own self belief.

What would you say to Toby’s teacher, his mother, if you could have been the angel on their shoulder? 

Maybe;   “Ask Toby why he falls behind, how he feels.”
Their perception of how to handle the situation, what Toby was capable of, was clouded by their pevious lives.

Maybe his mother went into her own self doudt and instantly thought “He’s dumb like me, poor kid maybe we can get him into a trade.”

Maybe his teacher thought ” I need help I can’t handle all these kids on my own, if I ask they’ll think I am unworthy.”

What would you have told Toby if you could have helped him in that moment or even before when he first started to complicate his life with doudt about his answers to his teachers questions.

We all have these defining moments in our lives.
We are not stupid, unlovable or wrong. my challange to you is to go back to those painful and debilitating moments and look at them with new eyes.

How would you change the thoughts in your young mind?

Use your hard earned wisdom and created your life how you want it to be. Let go of the misunderstandings of the past and forgive yourself and the others involved. Life is precious and you are truely amazing, lovable and wise!